Conflict

I haven't had sex with a man since august. I've had fingers aplenty, and a few toys, but I want that penetration that you can only get from a man plowing himself so deeply inside of you that he crashes against your inner wall. I want that, so badly. The only thing stopping me is a promise. I love my husband, I love him dearly. I would never purposefully do anything to hurt him. But this....is a need that is nearly over powering me. I have more than a few people I could turn to. Many an opportunity to slake my lust, one in particular that has me on edge. But at this moment...I want very much a particular kind of sex. The kind that I know he isn't into, the kind that another is, but he and his girlfriend fallow the rules I set down. They wouldn't help me with this need. I need someone to Dominate me. To truly OWN me, abuse me in such a way that leaves me breathless and unable to walk. I want to be sore for days and have the bruises last for weeks. I want to be afraid, but secure. I want what the game has to offer. I want to be smacked around, beaten, punished for wanting the things I do. And I want that deep satisfying penetration while its happening. I want it violent and degrading. I want to be used and left there to lie in our combined fluids untill such a time as he deems fit to use me again. I even want a scar to remember it by. I want these things so badly that I hurt. My body aches for that kind of treatment and release. My hands are shaking as I type this now, my body already responding in ways that speak for themselves. If you were to look at me at this moment, you would be painfully aware of my need. Knowing that its wrong is only fueling the fire. I only wish that I can retain controll and not do anything regretfull. My needs are a burning thing, I simply wish not to be consumed.